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Sunday, November 10, 2013

ADAM and EVE The Muslim Version


Adam and Eve The Muslim Version


DO CLICK THE LINK BELOW IS WORTH WATCHING
I SAW IT, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IT – the first bit understandable but the 2nd part - wow !!!!!!!!!!!!
 
http://www.youtube.com/embed/Ai4tPe80S6Q?rel=0

The Mad Man Test

Mad men are given a test to check their mental state. The instructor draws a door on the wall and orders them to go out.

They start rushing to the door but one remains sitting. The instructor goes to him and asks; “why didn’t you join the others?” He replies, "let them fight they forgot I have the keys"

JEWISH GENT




A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN,  What's your name?"

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing!  What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."

"I pray that politicians will tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a f----g  brick wall."
    



A Yorkshire Treat


A Yorkshire-man and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.

"Did you smell that food?" she said, "It’s wonderful."

Being the 'Kind Hearted Yorkshire-man', he thought,
"What the heck, I'll treat her."

So they walked past it again.....


Spanish Cheese Index

Product Details


 Beijing English - Chinese hotel brochure



A visitor to Beijing was given this brochure by the hotel.  Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English……….

Getting There:

Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore.  Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water.  You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend.  The manager will await you in the entrance hall.  He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel:

This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome.  We of course are always pleased to accept adultery.  Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children.  Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others.  But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar.  We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:

Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting.  At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:

Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts.  In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! . You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed

Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition.  If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid.  Please take advantage of her.  She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear.  If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers
Ladies Womens Rocket Dog Sugar Daddy Classic Calf High Winter Boot - Cow Suede - Black, Chestnut, Tribal Brown, Double Face Tribal Brown
Rocket Dog


A Few Short stories

IRISH WEDDING


At the Irish wedding reception the D.J. yelled...  "Would all married 
men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth 
living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.




New Book


A man goes into Chapters and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have 
the new book out for men with short penises?"

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

"That's the one; I'll take a copy…"




Poor Lance Armstrong -

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated 
Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de 
France races, while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.



Drive By



A guy broke into my apartment last week.

He didn’t take my TV, just the remote.

Now he drives by and changes the channels.

Sick Bastard!!





The Agony of Aging

On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my 
aging friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to 
turn your clock back".



SCAM

Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My 
Favourite 18 Holes".

Turns out it's about golf.
Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

Best Regards,
Charlie Sheen





Pregnant Prostitute

               Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the 
father is?" 
"For f.... sakes ,if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one 
made you fart?"





EASYJET

Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight.
The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane. "



The meaning of life in 13 words……

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the f@*k 
happened” 

The Barman


A man goes into a pub, takes a seat at the bar, and orders five shots. The bartender gives him an odd look since he’s all by himself, but he serves up the five shots and lines them up on the bar. The man downs them all quickly. He finishes the last one and calls out, "Four shots, please!" The bartender serves up four shots and lines them on the bar. The man downs them all. Then he belches loudly, sways slightly on the stool, and orders three. And one after the other, he knocks them back. "Two shots!" he calls, and the bartender places two shots in front of him. Down they go. As the man slams the last one down on the bar, he says, "One shot bartender." So the bartender fills the glass. The man sits there, staring at it for a moment, trying to focus. Then he looks at the barman and says, "You know, it's a funny thing, but the less I drink, the drunker I get."