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Friday, November 15, 2013

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?



I wish I had the guts of this girl.

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled.

A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed.

He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.

"May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.

If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.








Garden Center


A customer at a counter of a garden ornament shop said to the cashier, “Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of those sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandmas in bloomers.” The cashier replied “that’ll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten for the flamingos, six for the sunflowers, and an apology for my wife!”



GARDENING WITH GRANDMA

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams.. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!' And out she goes.



The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate..The grandmother says, 'Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.


Happy Gardening.

Don't mess with a Senior Citizen! 






The Lollies with the Little Hole.


This should make you smile. You have to love little kids. 

The teacher gave  the children different coloured Lifesavers and asked could they identify the taste.






The children began to identify the flavours by their colour:

Red.......................Cherry
Yellow..................Lemon
Green....................Lime
Orange .................Orange
White....................Pineapple

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.
 None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spat her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my Goodness! They're arse holes!'

The teacher had to leave the room!


What happened to spangles and polo fruits?




Spanish Cheese Index



Got to love older people! 

While Tony was sunbathing naked at the beach in Jamaica ..
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting
 Sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.

 A woman walks past and says, snickering,
"If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

 He raised an eyebrow and replied,
"If you were better looking it would lift itself." 


 

A testimony to true friendship is...

 
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.

His wife screams at him as his friend listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?"

 

"Because he's thinking of getting married."