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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A LITTLE BIT OF HILLBILLY HUMOUR


A LITTLE BIT OF HILLBILLY HUMOUR

Dear Son,

Your Pa has a new job. The first in 48 years. We are a little better, off now, getting $17.96 every Thursday. So we up and thought we'd do a little fixin’ up. We sent to Rosemont and Seasbuck for one of them there bathrooms you hear so much about and it took a plumber to put it in shape.

On one side of the room is a great big long thing, something like the hogs drink out of, only you get in it and wash all over. Over on the other side is a little white thing called a sink, this is for light washing, like face and hands, but over in the other corner we really got something.

There you put one foot in, wash it clean, pull a chain and get fresh water for the other foot. Two lids come with the darn thing and we ain't had any use for them in the bathroom, so I'm using one for a bread board and the other we framed grandmother's picture in.

They were awful nice people to deal with and they sent us a roll of writing paper with it.

Take care of yourself son.

Your Maw





A Hillbilly walking down the road sees his friend coming toward him carrying a burlap sack. "Whut you got in that thar sack, Junior?"
"Chickens." Says Junior.
"Chickens, huh? If I guess how many chickens, will you give me one of'em?" The first Hillbilly asked.
Junior thought a minute. "Hell, if'n you guess how many chickens I got in here, I'll give you both of'em!"
"Three!?!" The first Hillbilly confidently replied.
"Damn!" Exclaims Junior, "How'd you do that?"




Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in West Virginia out on a farm up in the hills.

 Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate."
.
..

 So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it."
The young'n tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole.."
Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.
He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse!



  Off goes the first stick of dynamite .. shooting the outhouse into the air.
BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite ... spreading poop all over the farm.
WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.....

 Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right??!!"
.
As she pulls up her panties she says...
 "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen 



SEE YOU SOON